Motivation, projects and what the fuck is laziness

I have a technical book that will help me in my career sitting on my book shelf gathering dust. I was able to get through a similar book before, one chapter a day but for some reason I find this book far more intimidating.
I imagine that once I actually pick it up for the second time it will be a lot easier given I know more about the subject than I did when I first picked it up, but I’m lazy.

I don’t know what laziness is but for some reason that’s what I am. I feel lazy, meaning that instead of doing what I need to do to advance my career and also something I want to do because to me this subject is fascinating, I’m going to spend an evening starting a new blog, talking with friends and watching an episode of Hit & Miss (I’ll talk about this later).

My flatmate has a theory, he says that laziness is an expression of fear. I suppose it’s similar to my deer in headlights reaction when I’m put on the spot, my first reaction is to freeze up and try to hide, behind a computer screen if possible.

This isn’t working though, I’m going to have to deal with this, because I’m itching to make a difference, I want to influence this world and what I can do when I’m hiding just isn’t enough. I expect more from myself, always, but I always like to keep the distance in check.

I’ll admit I’m doing quite well though, only because I’m at the beginning of one of the most momentous changes in my life. Confirming my gender.

OK I’m going to finish this post off with an explanation of the profanity in the title. I’m a bit of pedant when it comes to language, someone describing a depressed person as lazy drives me up the wall. It makes me want to start a paramilitary force for the accurate naming of things. The profanity helps you, the reader understand that this is an emotionally charged issue for me, the author.

You’re welcome 😀